Having reactionary feelings of pain and sorrow is hard to deal with. Even when you know that one day, just as promised, joy will come in the morning.
...
Seeing your friends, and even your own sister, go off with the Lord's leading to the land that you love----To be painfully honest----Is quite hard. More than I would actually like to admit.
...
Having this restless feeling inside of you is difficult when you realize that at this moment, you need to wait on God.
Goodness, patience is a real toughy to live out sometimes.
...
With that said:
Having the great I AM wrap you in His arms, telling you it's all going to be okay--it overcomes those feelings and brings peace..
Having the Comforter tell you that it was not in vain and the best is still yet to come--it brings a sort of closure as well as hope.
...
Let me offer you some hindsight. Recently, I submitted an application to an orphanage in Africa to volunteer for a year. They said there were just too many applicants and so little room. My application wasn't accepted. Sure, it was a huge blow. Tons of feelings streaming through my mind. Oddly enough--peace was mixed in there, too.
...
I had spent the last year praying, researching, talking with friends and family about it, and waiting to turn in my application after just a little bit more of prayer. And so, after a little more than a year's worth of prayer and everything I've mentioned, I had finely felt the "OK" from God. I turned my application in. It was exhilarating. Exciting. I let my thoughts wonder. I, as I often do, let my heart be swept away to a place I had fallen in love with. The people. The children. The thought of following God to where He was calling me for an entire year. I was beginning to plan things out in my head. I was looking up prices for airline tickets. I was looking at suitcases online and sizing them to make sure there wouldn't be any problems with them on the airplane. I was thinking of all that I would pack and all of the things I would leave at home.
...
And yet, even though my mind was going a hundred miles an hour, I would try to keep my feet firmly on the ground. I would remind myself by not only thinking but saying that I might not get accepted. With that thought did come sorrow but also some peace.
...
I knew God was leading me and that whatever may happen I still wanted to give Him all the glory and praise. No matter the outcome.Which is really the only reason I am writing this. Trust me. It has taken me close to two months to even share this. I don't enjoy talking about it whatsoever. My stomach tightens up and I get very uncomfortable. My heartbeat quickens. When I talk about it my voice tends to shake and my mind can't figure out what to let come out of my mouth.
Honestly, if I wanted to selfishly make the choice, believe me, I would keep this all to myself and never mention it again. Ever. I would try to forget it all. The embarrassment, sorrow, confusion, etc.. But where does God get the glory in that? He Doesn't.
...
It took more than three months to hear back from the orphanage. Three very long months. Through that time God was teaching me more about patience. He was helping me get through those days. Holding my hand on some and carrying me along in His strong arms during most of them(and He continues to do so in these days of healing and what not). He was my strength. He was growing me. Teaching me. Most of all, I believe, He was preparing me for the outcome by giving me His peace. Teaching me to rest in it. Leaning against Him and just breathing. Knowing that no matter what--He would never leave my side and all I had to do was claim His peace that He so willingly holds out to all of His children.
...
When I opened up the email telling me that, due to the overwhelming amount of applicants and lack of room, I wouldn't be able to volunteer in the year to come, many feelings enveloped me. One of those feelings, like I told you earlier, was the peace that surpasses all understanding. The peace that I had been learning about. The peace that is so graciously given.
...
A question I asked over and over again is probably a typical question that would be asked.
"WHY?"
Why would God lead me to this orphanage just to be, put simply---rejected? Why does it seem like He was trying to get my hopes up only to let them come crashing back down--completely broken?(Thankfully caught by His warm loving hands.)
Honestly, I am not entirely sure. But after each "why" I hear his reply. He is telling me it was not in vain. Time and time again: It was not in vain. It was not in vain. It was not in vain.
This I do know: I need to trust Him. My Heavenly Father has taught His daughter numerous things. Priceless things. Things I would not have been able to have learnt if it had not been for this experience. Therefore, I too can say: It was not in vain.
...
In this moment of emotions, I will praise Him for His faithfulness, comfort, wisdom, and a bazillion more of His wonderful attributes.
In this moment of waiting, I will try to grow where I am currently planted.
And in this moment, I will put my complete trust in my Shepherd to lead me not astray.
